Grieving with and for Clients

Grief is often described as “a strong, sometimes overwhelming emotion that stems from the loss of a loved one or other important loss—such as the ending of an important relationship, a terminal diagnosis, job loss, loss through theft or the loss of independence through disability.”  Because caregivers spend more time with clients than any other member of the care team, you may find yourself getting attached to clients and their family members.  It is important to understand the grieving process for their sake...and for your own.

UNDERSTANDING THE GRIEF PROCESS

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross developed a model called “The Stages of Grief” to help guide people through the wide range of emotions associated with grief.  These stages (which may not be experienced in order) include:

Stage 1: DENIAL is a coping mechanism that lets the bereaved process the loss on his or her own time table.

Stage 2: ANGER is the emotion that tends to emerge when denial wears off and the reality of the loss sets in.

Stage 3: BARGAINING is an attempt to reverse the reality of the situation.

Stage 4: DEPRESSION occurs when the person surrenders to the grief and is overwhelmed by sadness.

Stage 5: ACCEPTANCE happens if/when the grieving person comes to terms with the reality of the situation.

IMPORTANT POINTS TO REMEMBER ABOUT GRIEF

• While grief is a universal experience, it is also a very individual one.  Everyone grieves differently.  Some responses to grief may be due to a person’s gender, religion, culture, family history and/or personality.  If you serve a culturally diverse population of clients, try to learn all you can about their different religious practices and mourning traditions.
• There is no “right” thing to say to someone who is grieving because nothing you say will truly take away their pain.  Your goal should be to support the person and help meet his/her specific needs.  This allows the person to process the grief in his or her own way.
• There are some less helpful things to say to someone who is grieving.  Please don’t start sentences with “at least…” and it’s best not to mention “fate” or “God’s will.”  Don’t compare a client’s grief to your own experience.  And avoid using clichés like “Time heals all wounds.”