Being Assertive
Being Assertive
| Passive | Aggressive | Assertive |
| Passive people don’t respect their own rights. They tend to get pushed around by others since they never stand up for themselves. | Aggressive people don’t respect the rights of others. They demand that you pay attention to them and they try to control your behavior. | Assertive people try to balance the power between themselves and the people around them. They give as much as they get and don’t try to control anyone else. |
| Don’t apologize for things that aren’t your fault. Say what you mean. Don’t beat around the bush. Learn to say “no.” | Think before you speak, especially if you are angry. Don’t make decisions for other people. Don’t interrupt when others are speaking. Don’t blame other people for things that go wrong. |
Take responsibility for what you say and do. Use words like “I think,” “I feel,” or “I want.” Learn to accept compliments with a simple “Thank you.” Learn to accept criticism without getting defensive. |
TIPS FOR BEING ASSERTIVE ON THE JOB
- Remember that being assertive means you treat others the way you would like to be treated.
- Respect cultural differences. For example, in some cultures, maintaining eye contact is considered rude, aggressive, flirtatious or disrespectful—not assertive.
- To be assertive, respect the rights of others without giving up your own rights.
- Practice assertive listening. Let the other person know you want to hear what they have to say! Then, listen more than you talk.
- Don’t try to change people. This includes clients and co-workers!
- Focus on the here and now. Forget about what happened with someone last week or last month.