Talking about Death

Why is it so hard to talk about death?

As healthcare workers, we experience death and dying more than most people. Yet, even for us, it can be a difficult subject to talk about.
We don’t see too many positive messages about getting old or about dying with dignity. Most of us would rather ignore the idea of death. But ignoring death doesn’t make it go away. Death is part of life and part of your job.

How do you feel about it?

It’s important for you to understand how you feel about death, and how it may be affecting your client care.
Common feelings include fear, anger, guilt and grief.

What happens to most people?

Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross has written many books about death and dying. In her studies, she figured out that there are five main stages that dying people and their loved ones go through when during the dying process. The five stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
There is no timetable for going through the five stages. Some people might spend only a few hours in a certain stage, some will spend weeks, and others might never go past that stage. There is no right or wrong way to pass through the five stages.

How can you help clients and their families?

One of the most important ways that you can communicate with a dying client or his family is to listen! When you really listen to people, you let them know that you are concerned, interested and that you understand.
It’s pretty hard to listen with our mouths open! Remember that old saying...we should listen twice as much as we talk because we have two ears and only one mouth.
Being a good listener means that sometimes you have to let there be silence. Don’t think that you have to fill the air up with words. If there is a pause in the conversation, accept it. Let your client know you are supportive just by being there. Words aren’t always necessary.
Never tell a client that you “understand.” Sharing personal stories of your own could make a client feel as if their problems are insignificant.
Don’t worry about always saying the right thing. If you respect the dignity of your clients and their families, you’ll be okay.