Incivility vs Bullying

Imagine that “bullying” is the bigger, older brother of bad behaviors.  Then, take a step back and look at how it begins.  Before there is bullying, there is usually a culture of incivility.  For the purposes of this example, imagine that incivility is the little brother of bad behavior.   Incivility includes all those little things that, when repeated over time, add up to a more serious problem.

What is incivility?  Here are a few examples:

• Eye rolling, ignoring others, making sarcastic remarks.
• Purposely excluding certain people from meetings, outings, etc.
• Temper tantrums (yelling, stomping, slamming doors, etc).
• Habitually being late for work, appointments or meetings.
• Gossiping, or talking negatively about others.
• Interrupting others, arguing, the need to always be right.
• Spending too much time on personal phone calls.

Isolated acts of incivility should not be considered bullying—but they should also not be ignored.  When a culture of incivility is ignored or left unaddressed, it almost always “grows up” to be a culture of bullying. Behaviors that are considered bullying usually occur repeatedly (twice a week or more) and for a long time (6 months or more) in situations where the victim finds it difficult to defend against or stop the abuse.  Another factor that separates incivility from bullying is the intent to harm.   Bullying can cause physical harm, emotional harm, or even financial harm.

What does bullying look like?  Here are a few examples:

• Repeated incivility.  Many of the above examples of incivility, when repeated over time with the intent to harm, may be considered bullying. 
• Gossip. Gossip is usually harmless, but making false statements with the intent to harm the reputation of another can be considered bullying.  (Learn more about gossip on page 3!)
• Intimidation.  You already learned that temper tantrums are a form of incivility. However repeated episodes of emotional tirades, angry outbursts and verbal attacks are bullying behaviors. 
• Sabotage.  Withholding information is a form of bullying when it is repeated over time and done with the intent to set someone up to fail, look foolish or appear incompetent. 
• Hate/Prejudice.  Intentionally targeting someone based on age, gender, race or sexual orientation are all examples of bullying (and in most instances this behavior is against the law).
• Hazing.  “Breaking in” the new hire may be considered bullying.  Assigning an unmanageable workload, telling the person to “sink or swim,” and ordering the new person to do work that is below his or her competence can be considered bullying.